I’ve worked every damn Sunday for over ten years.
I’ve had a few off every now and then during vacations, sure – and they were glorious (almost felt criminal, like exploring the seedy underbelly of the 9-to-5 underworld). But, if you’re like me, you probably plan most of your vacation days during the week, not only because it’s cheaper, but because I’m The Weekend Bartender, a title I’ve been stuck with for over a decade.
There’s a reason, of course, that I get stuck working weekends at every restaurant gig for years – I’ve been in school, and so I’ve always had to make up hours on Saturdays and Sundays. Doubles, usually. When my friends were off wakeboarding (Florida) or just daydrinking for no reason (Seattle), I was smiling for the Brunchers, minding my P’s and Q’s for the Churchers, telling the Footballers to shut up, and sweating for the Special Eventers. Sundays are WEIRD shifts, no matter where you work – dive bars, fancy salmon houses, catering halls, fast food – and you never know what to expect.
I used to work at a chain restaurant that shall remain nameless (think “Emerald Wednesdays”), that was located across the street from the biggest church in Orlando, FL. Sundays, for lack of a better word, were hell. At exactly 1pm EVERY SUNDAY, we would get mobbed by Baptists dressed to the nines, usually larger groups of older women. This corporate restaurant, however, knew how difficult these shifts could be, and so once a month would take pity on us and stuff every local newspaper and every email inbox with coupons for ten dollars off any meal. These coupons, thankfully, would be distributed on Sunday mornings.
Wait, did I say thankfully? Sorry. What I meant was WHAT THE F$#% WERE THEY THINKING!!!!!????????
Here’s how the scenario would always take place:
Me (Approaching 8 top of church ladies): “Ladies, good afternoon, welcome to -”
Them: “We’re going to need more Sweet and Low” (Of course, none of them even have drinks yet, so…)
Me: “Of course, ladies. As I was saying, welcome to -”
Them: “We have coupons. We ALL have coupons. And we ALL need separate checks. And more Sweet and Low.”
Me: “No problem, ladies. Allow me to go around the table and get some drinks -”
Them: “ICED TEA CHICKEN SANDWICH CEASER SALAD MORE BREAD EXTRA FRIES SOMETHING FROM A DIFFERENT RESTAURANT WHY DON’T YOU HAVE THAT SANDWICH ANYMORE SWEET AND LOW SWEET AND LOW SWEET AND LOW”
All this, instead of wakeboarding, watching football, daydrinking, pool partying, bbq-ing, seeing the movie, attending the wedding, or just sleeping all day.
So, as we kickoff another NFL season (it’s Peyton’s year, shutup, all of you), I know that many of us Service Industry Soldiers will be manning (see what I did there?) the posts, defending our bars from platoons of day-drunkards, shipping out to work while our roomies and family and friends point and laugh on their way to the First Annual Beer Pong, Hempfest, and Black Keys/Lorde Jamboree with Special Guests the Denver Broncos and Nine Hot Chicks from Some Cool Country Who Totally Would Have Made Out With You. I get it. But – it’s what we do.
After all, don’t we laugh at the pinstriped lemmings, stuck on the I-5 bridge at 7am on Monday mornings, screaming at their cell phones and missing their youth?
Pfffff. Mondays are for daydrinking.
Happy NFL kickoff to all the hardworking servers, bartenders, bussers, cashiers, cooks, and managers who will, once again, have to watch their team on Monday’s Sportscenter.
Neil Ratliff is a fifteen-year veteran of the service industry and owner of RestWants.com. You can email him at RestWants@gmail.com
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